As I Listened
As I listened to the notes of Hallelujah lift off the page I realized the symmetry in my story, in my experience, in my small existence and that of the spiritual journey. Christmas is coming! We begin “nesting” preparing for this grand birth of our lord’s son Jesus Christ. All the rooms are cleaned the lights are hung presents are prepared food is set beds are made. Just like the week before Teagan’s birth. Déjà vu but why is it that after 29 years of preparing for the birth of Christ is it only now that my mind has finally grasped the concept, the Joy of baring a son to the pain as he suffered the worst loss. People tell me it is the worst loss, the loss of a child. We prepare ourselves spiritually, we celebrate the birth annually. We move forward to prepare ourselves for the suffering and then burial of our savior. Only now do I notice the silent pain of the mother in the story. Only now do I too suffer with her.
10 months of preparation – one week of finalizing details. The birth story, five days- four nights- three nurses- 2 parents- one child; no partridge no pear tree. A humble celebration filled with sorrow and joy. A place we call home, sadness surrounds there are gatherings of people, food, and cots. The procession lay to rest my child. Eternal love, until we meet again in the heavens above. This is not goodbye, I promise to hold your place in my heart. Twelve Months One year, we begin again.
It is the story of our imperfect life with our perfect angel. Only now do I realize it is not our story, it is the spiritual journey of life.